Rejects: Old Notebooks 4


More middle school dribble that makes very little sense. At least I was a creative kid. Chipper, too. Ha! ❤ Jaime

And at last they saw what was hidden so far, down deep. Another [sighting] of good time friend remembrance is going to kill me. Intolerable interests of deadbeat wastes what [could have] once been a decent living (livable), more established (mentally) human. Trash. All of this I’ve seen around me time and time again, until my solitude, I’m sick and worn thin. Worn out. Can’t even process half-decent thoughts anymore. I seem to remember having enjoyed what I did on a long wasteful day. Now look what I’ve gotten involved in. Some kind of sick soap opera stuffed with pathetic full of complaints self-centered repetitions (which causes me to do the same) (too many distorted drug-infested blurs that I cannot recall) unstable, [disgusting] (mentally, as well as physically), repulsive primate type people. Sometimes I do wish my mommy kept me locked in a room reciting Bible verses so I could deserve my dinner. I do wish I had been forced to belly dance in front of my daddy’s sick older friends while they drink cases of Budweiser and smoke Marlboro Reds. Wouldn’t you think those memories would be worth having? Something that could actually create these paranoid delusions of mistrust, disbelief, misunderstanding (try too hard to make one listen can ruin more than expected) lost feelings that I for some strange reason do not recall? What has been going on these last, oh about, 6 months? I know I have gained more than I have lost. Why [so] much sorrow? So much fucking lack of Interest? Why doesnt any of this whiny ass babble mean anything any other time then right now, while I’m writing it? Of course it’s not. Nothing ever means anything except for at that sacred, forgotten moment that it [occurs.] Do not believe liars. Once they’ve lied they’ll always lie. I wonder what kind of power one could actually have while controlling someone you actually thought (or was fooled into believing) was as equally intellectual & connected as yourself. Oh yes, some more brainless babble. It’s all just gibberish that’s over analyzed & too heavily detailed, or perhaps the [complete opposite] — you decide, because I know this is no good anyhow.

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