Since I just spent hours writing the tiny amount of text beneath this lead, I’m going to make this brief. The past year was an elusive jerk with few good surprises.
No apocalypse?! I would’ve really benefited from the beauty sleep. Thanks for the false promises, Mayan calendar. I guess that’s my biggest disappoint to date.
My favorite movie release: God Bless America.
Directed by Bobcat Goldthwait and starring Joel Murray (Frank), how can you go wrong? So glad they paired up 20 years later, after Shakes the Clown. And, oh boy, God Bless America is such a poignant film. I don’t want to give too much away, but Frank is the dark psyche of the anti-classist American spirit.
Now I can tell my friends, “These people are inconsiderate meanies, I’m going to get God-Bless-America on them real soon.” Instead of, “I’m so pissed, I’m seriously going to go all Falling-Down any minute!”
Worst movie I never saw: Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.
I can’t believe this crap idea earned more than $116 million. I bet the same people willing to shell out cash to see such trash are the same people unwilling to sit through entertaining films such as Metropolis, The Third Man, or Color Me Blood Red.
Idiots. They deserve to be ripped-off and brainwashed. That side of mainstream film is on a downslide into asininity. Thank goodness for the few recent quality flicks.
My favorite music release: What’s This Life For? by Stunt Rock.
“Years of loneliness have been murder.” -First thing you hear in the first song, “Learning to Understand the Difference Between Sexual Abuse and Sexual Ab Use.”
I am so happy to hear new material from one of the best artists of my generation. Stunt Rock has perfected not only the art of sampling, but also the art of meaningful design and packaging. His latest release, which I think is his only 7-inch record, comes with a 24-page book that will make you choke with laughter and vomit tears. If you’re unfamiliar with his catalogue, I urge you to buy everything you can before it’s gone.
If you’re a film buff but not into music, I strongly suggest you give Stunt Rock a shot before you hate yourself for not hearing it sooner.
Stunt Rock is the perfect soundtrack for creative inspiration, alienating yourself from your peers, drinking alone, driving in the middle of the night, having sex, breaking up, wanting to die, and finding yourself—all in that order.
Worst song I heard repeatedly in public almost everyday: “The Motto (Take Care)” by Drake ft. Lil Wayne, Tyga.
I hate hate hate this repetitive, obnoxious, dim-witted song. They can’t even pronounce “everyday” correctly. Ah!
Personal achievement that doesn’t really seem to matter: College.
I graduated from community college with an associate degree in general studies. Now I’m transferring to Portland State University and majoring in English. Hopefully I won’t die as a waitress.
Lowest point of the year: Not working, not eating right, not sleeping enough, and truly wanting to die.
I landed this sweet gig as a communications specialist at a marketing team for one of the departments at a college, making $18 an hour copywriting and designing various promotional materials. They reduced me to “casual part-time” a few days before I hit my third month because “the department lost the budget for my position.”
So, I was unemployed for more than three months while attending community college and working at the college library to cover my tuition. I was in the pits, deep in the abyss of worthlessness. I lived off of low-grade food from free bins, Ramen noodles, and the generosity of my close friends. One of my former teachers gave me money for gas one week. My best friend loaned me hundreds of dollars so I could have electricity, car insurance, and a cell phone (luckily, I had paid my rent in advance with financial aid). I fantasized about crashing my car into nearly every building I passed on the road.
Most ironic event: Realizing that returning to the service industry destroys my self-worth worse than unpaid unemployment.
I’m afraid to elaborate on this because I don’t want to get fired.
What I wish I had more of: SLEEP.
So I think I’ll start getting some right now. Goodnight!